Love Hurts Being Apart

I got on the internet early in 1997. Not long afterwards, in a chatroom, I met Stephanie. The girl I now love.
On July 31st of that same year, after six months of chatting, emails, letters, and a few phone calls, I wrote her an email telling her how I felt about her, knowing that it was probably a big mistake.

But I had to tell her. It was all I could think about.

Turns out she felt the same way I did.

Within the week I told her I loved her, and I did. I'm not a person to tell someone I love them unless I'm absolutely sure about it, and I was. She said she loved me too.

What a feeling.

We wanted to get together for my prom, but it didn't work out. We were finally able to meet face-to-face on July 31st, 1998 ... one year to the day after I told her of my feelings. I drove to San Francisco and got on a plane headed for North Carolina. My stomach was in knots, my heart raced, my faced beamed.

The plane landed ... it was a little rainy, my favorite kind of weather. Stephanie's too.

I stepped off the plane, walked into the airport, and there she was. The most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. All I could keep saying to myself was "I can't believe this is really happening" ... we even said it to each other a few times.

I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted it to be more comfortable than it was.

As the day went by, emotions I had never felt before rushed through me ... but still, I was nervous. And I couldn't seem to do any of the things my heart was telling me to do.

Til that night.

We sat in the living room for a bit in a big chair, holding hands. When it was time for me to go (I was staying at her grandparents' house), we got up and slowly pulled each other closer.

The week flew by and it was time for me to leave. I debated calling my parents to see if I could stay a bit longer, but in the end, I decided I should just go instead of delaying the inevitable.

The plane was delayed a bit and I hoped it would be delayed enough that I would miss my connection so I could just say "I'm staying." But that didn't happen.

I kissed her, knowing it would be the last kiss for a while, and walked to the plane. Waiting at the back of the line, I watched her and mouthed to her that I loved her.

For a moment, I turned back around to look at the plane ... then, I dropped my stuff and ran back to her. I hugged her and kissed her again, nearly in tears. She took my hand and placed in it a ring, which she said to keep until we saw each other again. I hugged her and kissed her once more and then slowly I walked away and our hands gently slid apart.

I left North Carolina.

The last 5 months or so, I have argued with myself whether or not to just say the hell with it and drive out there, but I have resisted every temptation. She's coming to visit me -- I get another 11 days with her. It's more than I could ever ask for, but still not enough.

I dread the day she has to leave again, but I am pushing back that thought to the farthest regions of my mind ... and I wait.

I love Stephanie, and I can't wait to live my life with her.