
His name was Eddie Klaris and when I was sixteen years
old I was convinced that he was the man I would marry.
It's funny how our minds work at that age. How we really believe that
we've found The One.
I'd had a borderline-obsessive crush on Eddie since I
was 13 and finally he asked me to "go out with him" - which
meant to be his steady girlfriend. That was the happiest day of my high
school life.
I finally got him ... after three long, anxiety-ridden
years. We had fooled around many times before the official "asking
out" but this was different. He was going to date only me.
All of the girls in my class were jealous and I secretly
loved the envy.
We did the normal high school dating thing -- group outings,
light drinking, going to parties, experimenting sexually. We were both
virgins and I was ready to lose my virginity to him if he wanted to.
Unfortunately, the officialness of "going out"
put too much pressure on him. I happened to be a scapegoat of the popular
crowd and I think this influenced his decision to end our relationship.
He ended up going out with Christine, the most popular girl.
He lost his virginity to her months after we broke up.
They did it at a party underneath a sleeping bag while other people were
in the room making out.
I was in that room.
It was one of the worst moments of my high school days.
I couldn't understand why he didn't want me. Was I too ugly? Too unpopular?
Was I a bad lover? Was my hair out of place on our last date?
We continued to fool around while he was dating Christine,
which led me to believe I could get him back. But for some reason he stayed
with her. Perhaps it was her popularity. Or perhaps it was because he
knew he could have both of us.
Funny how that works.
Whenever we were together the sex was tense. As much as
I thought I loved him, I felt so much pressure to turn him on that I neglected
my own pleasure. He would touch me and kiss me and my body would not respond.
No matter how hard I tried to lose myself in his touch it just didn't
happen.
He took Christine to the Senior Prom and called me beforehand
to tell me he was asking her. "I wanted you to know first,"
he told me. "Thanks," I replied with false cheeriness.
I hung up the phone and cried.
After high school we kept in touch and continued to see
each other through college. I invited him to my wedding five years after
graduation and he came with his soon-to-be wife.
While I was talking to him at the reception I realized
that he was so far from what I wanted in a life partner. He was boring
and had no sense of humor.
In retrospect, he never did.
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